Adventures in the Gym

Going to the gym is always a trip. There are always many obstacles I must overcome, more so than my everlasting lack of motivation. Let us begin with the cardio room. I emerge from the locker room with my pink headphones attacked to my pink ipod, with my pink water bottle in my hand. I squeeze in between Sally and Sara and start my workout. This is where my self-esteem crashes. Sally is a size -10 (yes negative), with her elliptical on level 10. I sneak a peek to her screen and see she has been on for 45 minutes already. Her clothes are completely dry and the only sweat coming from her is a glisten of mist on her hairline. On the other side is Sara. Sara weighs 100 lbs more than me and is practically going backwards. I start my 30 minute planned workout at around a 2. A few minutes into it, I look like I just jumped into a pool. I look at Sally, who is effortlessly making me want to throw up. She looks at me like im wasting my time. I can only imagine what Sara is thinking.

Cardio is done. I walk to the locker room pouring in sweat, time to get ready for strength training. I go into the weight area and immediately realize that im only one of two women in there. The other is a butch lesbian with guns bigger than most the guys. Okay.....I check my training card and proceed to begin my exercise on the machine. A few reps in, I hear a loud BAM, and practically jump up to the ceiling. A second later, I realized it was THAT guy. You know the one, with his basketball shorts and tank top, one arm is bigger than the other because he is over there trying to lift 500lbs. His form is shitty, but it doesn't matter because he can lift 500lbs. Who cares if his uneven arm makes him look like he spends his days masturbating with the same hand. He can lift 500lbs. And he has to have everyone's attention, to prove that he is the strongest guy here. I go back to lifting my 20lbs, crank up the ipod, this will be over soon....